WOD 090529

Sumo Deadlift
1 rm

GHR and other assistance

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The bar ceased its upward motion as the Zarsky wriggled and strained in effort to raise it the last few crucial inches. Suddenly a deafening noise resonated in the gym, a monotonic hum that far surpassed the blaring noise from the fire siren next door. All human occupants of the garage defecated in synchrony and began to bleed profusely from the ears. It was at that moment that the beast emerged from Zarsky's abdomen, clawing its way to freedom, spewing a putrid, viscous, bile-like substance and speaking in tongues the likes of which have never been heard on this planet, but no less conveyed a message of pure hatred and disdain for all humanity. With one swift wave of a mucousy tentacle, the beast decapitated Stan, our newest member (I would like to express my deepest condolences to Stan's family, tough break, but hey, he did sign a waiver). Stan's lifeless body fell to the ground with a sickening thud. The monster retreated into the bowels of Zarsky as Mandy pulled a lustful Bony off of the now pantsless corpse of Stan. The Zasrky let out one loud, sickening shriek, and drove the bar to lockout. Everyone quickly cleaned up the plates, took turns futilly attempting to revive Stan with some ammonia, and went their separate ways, vowing never to speak of that Saturday again.

"Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it."
-Gordon R. Dickson

Interesting Fact: At the deepest point in the ocean, an iron ball would take over an hour to sink to the ocean floor. We estimate that Stan took about an hour and a half. It took us at least that long however to console Bony who wouldn't stop crying after I insisted that he couldn't have Stan's corpse "for parts".

Word of the Day: Fescennine